The Terrors and Truths of Approaching 40.

Some of us are lucky enough to have had elders who didn't suck.

Most of us weren't so lucky though. When we consider what awaits us based on who proceeded us, the alternative to getting old becomes attractive. We devalue our lives and slip into a measured suicide. We eat too much, sleep too little, starve our intellects and shutter our awareness.

I don't know if I am one of the lucky ones, but as I approach 40, I feel like my life keeps getting better...harder, but better. What used to be the harsh lights of failure are now the even lighting of clarity. I was never going to make it as a singer/songwriter. A friend's (Blaine Long) forthcoming album makes that so utterly clear to me. But now, that clarity is comforting. Comforting because I chose to leave musicianship behind when I began to see the truth of it. And now, years later, I am validated in my choice and can enjoy my friend's music without always thinking, "Man, I wish I'd thought of that."

But really, what I am digging so much about nearing forty, aside from the killer gray points in my hair, is my increasing willingness to take on larger and larger projects. I am currently working on a documentary that could take years of hard work and one to many hundred thousand dollars to do. And somehow, I am OK with that span of time and those numbers.

And so, I am hoping to not suck as I age.